Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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