didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
