When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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