I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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