then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
