I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
should my penis look like a turkey
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
