With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
