I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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