Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
