I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
