Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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