See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
