Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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