Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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