are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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