Your dad touched me again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
