I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
