i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
