I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
