Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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