Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am available for nakedness
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
