if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
