i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
