1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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