..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
