Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he quoted the bible to break up with me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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