just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
