just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
