genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
