i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
