I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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