what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He passed out mid-signature
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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