Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
