Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
