i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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