I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
