There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
