I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
