You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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