When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
