11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
