So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
