Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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