i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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