Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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