know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
