I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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