I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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