The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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