first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
