hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
