Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
