I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
