One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
