dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
