so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
