Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
