Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
