Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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