When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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